Keep telling yourself you’re not going on a date, you’re using your one-day free trial of a relationship. For that one afternoon or evening, whichever you choose, you’ve got a companion, someone to discuss life with in all its glory and banality, someone to make you feel like you’re part of a greater whole. It’s not going to cost you anything except time, and let’s be honest, what else were you going to do with it? Watch TV soaps or buy another cat? So roll up, roll up, come on in, and find a one-day free trial that suits you!
But, er, I should take you aside and tell you something. You know, as a friend. I’m only telling you this because I like the look of you. It’s a one-day free trial, but there’s no limit to how many trials you can, you know, try. I’ve got some customers who live entirely on free trials. Trust me, you don’t want to bother with one of those. Yes, you’re right, there’s no way of knowing by just looking at the packet which ones those are. Nor can you tell which ones will take up the low-cost introductory rate for an actual relationship, but then try to return the product when they find it’s not for them. There’s nothing I can do about those. It’s what you might call an occupational hazard.
What I can offer you is a truly stunning array of free trials. There’s someone to fit every taste and occasion. You’re bound to find one you want to convert into a regular subscription, and you’ll find my rates are very reasonable indeed. Of course, there’s always the small print, but you can’t get away from something like that! Ah, you don’t seem like you’re so keen any more. Does this all seem a little sordid to you? Well what would you rather I did? I could always skip around shooting people with arrows but wouldn’t you rather choose who you sample, instead of letting me fix you up?
Oh, she’s gone. I suppose dating does seem a little fraught these days. Ah, there’s another customer! You’ll have to excuse me…